You are not a missing puzzle piece, a chapter ripped from a book, or an old dusty photograph torn right down the middle. You are not a shattered coffee mug, a half-empty box of chocolates, or a string of lights that won’t shine because of one cracked bulb.
I know you feel like half of your heart is missing, but I am telling you now that you can be broken while still being whole. And even if you are cracked, if you are shattered, if you are so covered in fissures that I cannot see one inch of skin unscathed; I promise that one day, maybe soon and maybe far from now, you will wake up with a new set of skin, strong enough to stitch you up and hold your bones together.
And I know it seems hard to wait. To wake each day with a new set of holes that you thought you filled with prayers and coffee and alcohol, only to see that your stitches were too loose and your heart is still pouring out of you, makes it seem like you will always be a sieve. But soon enough my dear your skin will heal, and your body that once knew so well how to hold on will hold you together again.
You have crossed an ocean so vast that most would have capsized; most would have plunged quietly into the cold water and never come back up for air. You have faced the test of heartbreak, and you are still here. So shake the salty water from your hair and your skirt and you heart, and climb up here on shore. You may still be soaking wet, but now you are standing on solid ground.
I want to take all of your flaws
and frame them on our living room wall
so that you can understand
that you are beautiful
and that I am proud of you
I want to take everything I love about you
and tape each piece to a movie reel
so that whenever you are feeling lost
I can show you the curve of your elbow
or the way your chest rises and falls while you sleep
to explain the subtle beauty
I wish I could take every piece of you
and cover them with kisses and adoration
so that maybe then
my love will saturate every pore so deeply
and you can finally learn
to love yourself
for even just one minute
the way I love you
of every day.
I feel a tug in my heart
whenever I see your name
and that is all I know
(maybe I miss you).
and in an effort
to make each relationship much more meaningful
the government limited each person too only one I love you
in a lifetime
mothers didn’t say I love you to their children
because they had already used their one chance on their husband
on their first night together as a married couple
reckless teenagers wasted theirs on young love and lustful exchanges,
spending the rest of their life
trying to show their love without words.
and cautious men,
saved their I love you for just before death
in order to see who was there at the end; who really deserves to hear it
after all of this time.
in an effort
to make each relationship more meaningful
we now spend our time waiting for love, or looking back on past love
and even after all this time
I still can’t forget the way
you asked my permission
to kiss my bare shoulder
my neck, my lips
and how when I nodded
you ran your fingers across my collarbone
and traced your name into my skin
you kissed me in an elevator ten months ago,
and your name still burns hot in my heart
hurts when I try to say it out loud
I don’t want to be told
that the stars are beautiful
despite the fact that they exploded
and their light is just reaching us now.
I want to be told
that the stars are beautiful
because of the fact
that their light traveled from so far, even though
the stars itself may already be gone.
their light is a reminder
that even after death,
a star can illuminate
even the darkest of nights.
I think the saddest phrase in the english language
is used to be
(we used to be friends
I used to be hopeful
we used to be in love
I used to be happy)
used to be
I think it really means I’ve lost something I love
and I don’t know how to get it back
I hope you can understand
that even though he tells everyone he doesn’t like chocolate,
he does, because at the end, chocolate is one of the few things he could give his mom to make her smile
but it also reminds him of the end, and that’s why he says he doesn’t like it.
and I hope you know
that he prefers tea to coffee,
but will ask for coffee because he thinks its more sophisticated,
but if you bring him tea instead, he will smile so wide
I swear it could light the stars on fire
and I hope he never tells you
about the way he whispered I love you
into my tangled hair one night when he thought I was already asleep
because if he tells you that
it means he and I are really over.
and then what am I supposed to do
with a heart only he can stich up?
I sometimes wish
that I could give you a tape
of every time I thought of you
so you could understand
how deeply I feel for you
if love is an ocean, I’m drowning.